Winter Solstice Self-love Meditation

Nestle into a comfortable spot in whatever position feels right for you.

Notice the quiet, that peaceful kind of quiet that takes your breath away.

Observe any light reflections that dance across the room and the bird song in the distance.

Recall a frigid night, the first snow fall and a stunning pink sky as the winter sun rises.

Now gently close your eyes.

Take a deep breath through your nose, hold it, smile, let it out with a sigh.

Repeat until your shoulders drop and you faintly hear the bird song.

Allow the loving energy from your heart to permeate the room around you, and accept it back into your body with every inhale. 

You are filled with love, fully connected to the universe and totally supported. 

Sit with those feelings, breathing naturally, for as long as you need to. 

When you are ready, gently roll your shoulders and your neck and open your eyes. 

Waving my B.H.E. in the Wind

November 2024 - We are here. The time is now. All of our shadow work has led us to this point…

I’m writing this piece just a few days after a presidential election in the United States of America, while polls for national office have been–or will be–held in more than 60 countries this year. There is a major shift in the world, one that we’ve not collectively lived through before. Many are divided, polarized and rigid in their respective camps while deeming those with different beliefs as “the enemy”. 

People seem to be fueled by chaotic emotions, similar to the chaotic weather patterns caused by climate change. (In my home state of New Jersey, we haven’t had substantial rain since August 26th - 75 days.)

No pressure, right? 

Wrong. There is immense pressure. The tension is palpable and we humans are in a state of hyper-vigilance. 

This got me thinking. Hmm, when was the last time things felt like this and how did I personally handle it? What lessons could I call on to help me avoid fight, flight or freeze aka. Survival mode? Well, outside of the early days of the pandemic when people were living in a constant state of fear and literally fist fighting over toilet paper, the attacks of September 11th came to mind. 

I was a freshman in college on that gorgeous Tuesday morning, beyond excited to be in my first art class. The teacher called for everyone’s attention, told us that class was being canceled and that the campus was being evacuated. She asked us to calmly and quickly pack up, leave through the rear classroom door and go home. My heart sunk. I did as I was told and drove home, making it in time to see the second plane hit the South Tower. I realized that the world would never be the same and surmised my dreams of one day going to art school were no longer possible. Having spent the majority of my adolescence battling depression and anxiety due to my extreme sensitivities, this hopeless feeling was nothing new.

And so, I gave up. I froze, stuck in fear, and closed off pieces of my heart and soul to keep them safe. I hid my true self and cycled through anger, bitterness and resentment landing in an eventual place of just plain being numb. I even attempted to end my own life. It took years of grace, love, support, hard work and therapy to heal those broken parts in order to release my heart and soul from their shackles and truly feel alive again.

Now, by this point you are probably thinking, “What the hell does this have to do with anything Beth?” Great question! 

Wait for it….instead of giving in to fear this time, I’m summoning every ounce of my B.H.E. or Big Heart Energy. 

If there is anything I’ve learned on my healing journey, it’s that every day we have a choice. We can choose to lower our vibrations by allowing our fears and insecurities to follow us around like a rain cloud, or we can choose to vibe higher and allow those same fears and insecurities to fuel us into action. And, guess what? High vibrations attract high vibrations (the inverse is also true).

Choosing high vibrations doesn’t mean that I don’t cry or get angry or drop the F-bomb regularly. I do–ALL the time. Just ask my husband…I can be very stubborn. #PolishFemaleTaurus

Having learned what resilience means by persevering through hard times, I refuse to go back into a small head space. Instead, I choose to show up, everyday, with grace, gratitude and wonder at the opportunity I–we–have to be alive right now. Let me also point out that you can both have a big heart, and flight like hell against injustice and wrong doing. There is a BIG difference between being complicit and being discerning.

It’s my firm belief that these current times are challenging ALL of us to examine our vibrations and ponder what type of ripple we make in the world on a daily basis. This is our time to show up with high vibes to heal ourselves, each other and the planet.

Take the time you need to process your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Then, take action. It could be as simple as feeding the birds or going for a walk, or it could be joining a volunteer organization to assist your community. How will you find your flame, no matter how small it may be right now, and provide it with the oxygen it needs to grow? 

The choice is yours.

Trust me, claim that B.H.E.–Big Heart Energy–and get ready for a wild ride.

Question everything.

Mid-life Crises are Underrated, folks. One day, our little bubbles of bliss pop and we are suddenly left covered in mental goo clinging to the past or our mental image of the way “it should be”. We may become paralyzed because, well, we don’t know who we are and we certainly have no idea where we are going. We feel small, trapped, inconsequential. Life starts to feel like the Talking Heads song ‘Road to Nowhere’. 

But, guess what? That song isn’t about being stuck in a dark hopeless place feeling bad for ourselves. It’s about living! We have no control over where we are going. If you’ve experienced a moment that suddenly stopped you in your tracks and caused you to question everything, Congratulations!! You are one of the brave, lucky ones. Please allow me to explain why I’m team mental goo. 

Despite what we are taught or conditioned to believe from a very young age, there is not one path to happiness or one way to do life. Sure, people have expectations for us that become some unrealistic fantasy that many believe is “the only way”. Does any of this sound familiar? Smile, be obedient, go to church, get straight A’s, graduate from college, get married (heterosexually, of course), buy a house with a white picket fence, get a dog and pump out 2.5 kids (minimum), climb the corporate ladder, go to Disney, retire young, die a peaceful death at home surrounded by your loved ones and then go to heaven. The end.

How many of us have actually achieved that? (If you did, good for you! There’s nothing wrong with that being the path you walked.)  I think it’s safe to bet that the overwhelming majority of us have instead felt incredibly inadequate for NOT having achieved that, or some close version. I’ve crossed paths with countless people who have ended up depressed, numb and even dead because they didn’t live up to “the way”. And, that’s why I am so passionate about this message. 

Quite simply put, THERE IS NOT ONE WAY TO LIFE LIVE. 

Do you remember those choose your own adventure books? The ones where the main character was faced with a choice, and you as the reader got to pick the next page that would reveal their journey. That’s the best analogy that I can make about our lives. We are the main characters in our own stories and we have agency and free will to decide how we spend our time alive. Our choices are impacted by our circumstances, settings, feelings, coping mechanisms, personalities, and unique experiences. But, they are OUR choices no matter the outcome. That’s the beauty and privilege of this life. 

Mid-life crises are typically labeled as a time when we realize we have more dreams than memories. Many people chase adrenaline (skydiving, motorcycles, etc.) or go get tattoos. But, how many people continue to live life the same way? They don’t address the root of the problem, get to know themselves, question their choices or make lasting changes. They are often out of alignment with their values but too comfortable, or afraid, to choose a new adventure. They don’t dare to veer out of their comfort zones.

Instead of the mid-life crisis, I’d like to start a movement around mid-life awakenings where we go quietly into the chrysalis. We face ourselves, often at our lowest points, and get to start over. We get to embrace our mistakes, realize there is no such thing as perfection and realize who we truly are and what we value. We own our personal power and learn to guard it as a treasure. We become authentically and unapologetically our unique, beautiful selves and look unrecognizable to those around us. We chart a new course into the unknown filled with courage, bravery and compassion. We attract a new tribe, experience new ways of thinking and feeling and emit a powerful ripple to the world. 

You may be good at something, but it doesn’t have to become your identity or a pair of cement shoes that you can never take off. You may be good with kids, for example, but that doesn’t mean you have to procreate. You may love to stargaze but that doesn’t mean you have to become an astronaut. And, on and on. Relationships, careers, locations, friend groups, etc. It’s perfectly healthy to reach a point where you question everything. This is living! This is where the mental goo, if we embrace it, can have a profound effect on future choices. 

If you’ve gone through it and emerged on the other side, kudos. It’s the path of most resistance but oh so rewarding. Continue to bring your whole heart and soul into every situation and create the net for your fellow humans. 

If you’re in it, embrace the goo! Have hope and be vulnerable about your challenges; don't suffer in silence. What you’ll gain by meeting your shadow self will far outweigh the pain and heartache. Continue mining closer to your core. 

If you’ve not yet gone through it, know that you are supported and loved. If you don’t feel a sense of purpose, are wearing a mask, are depressed or numb and feel like you are floating aimlessly, it’s OK to be vulnerable and choose a new adventure. If aspects of your life don’t feel right, they may not be! Remember, there is no one way.  

“...They can tell you what to do, but they’ll make a fool of you, and it’s alright, baby, it’s alright...”

— Road to Nowhere, Talking Heads

Beautiful Death: How I Learned to Hold Space

Death has always been fascinating to me. It’s the ultimate teacher. 

Having first experienced losing loved ones at a very young age, I formed a perception that is rooted in comfort yet continues to evolve. The transition from the physical body back into the soul realm evokes such a wide range of emotion in everyone touched by the experience, no matter the circumstances.

While the obvious defaults are sadness, grief and pain, there is also a beautiful release of memories that sum up the impact made by the person during their lifetime. A celebration of their soul, often accompanied by photos, heartfelt comments and storytelling, bring loved ones together. It’s such a vulnerable and beautiful moment that leaves an indelible imprint on those remaining in their bodies. 

In November 2018, my grandmother was dying after a battle with dementia. She was an incredibly resilient woman who had immigrated to the US from war torn Poland in the 1940s with her husband and young daughter. She was the epitome of a “tough cookie” but had a heart of gold and a laugh that filled a room, making you instantly feel welcome.

Two days before her passing, I went to say goodbye. The gift of a final visit was not lost on me; but, I was wildly unprepared for what would occur that afternoon.

Quietly, I entered the room knowing with certainty that this would be the last time I saw her alive. I sat on the edge of the couch where she was laying and talked gently while holding her hand, hoping that could hear me. 

Next, I sang to her and caressed her face and hair. It brought tears to my eyes but it was also a way to lift the energy in the room. She wasn’t a singer, but she loved to hear me sing. “Bet, you have the voice of an angel”, she would say. I did what I could to bring her comfort.

Suddenly, as if someone else was in the room, I felt pulled backward; instinctively, I knew it meant that I needed to change my positioning and face her body straightaway. 

Rearranging myself in this new direction, I sat up straight, cleared my throat and mind, closed my eyes and extended my hands over her abdomen area. I called in my higher power to guide me through this ritual that I would later come to know as energy healing, or Reiki. 

I took several deep breaths and entered a state of being that was void of thought and emotion.

What happened next, I will never forget. 

The room, while it was on a lower level, became flooded with light. Bright, white light. My entire body felt warm, as if I was a lantern radiating heat during a frigid expedition. I held the space for as long as I could until the light went away and then returned to my physical body. The energy, the peace, the lightness that remained was so intense; it was true love. 

As I sat filled with a mixture of disbelief, joy and sadness, I grabbed her hand and she gently squeezed it. This validated that she not only knew I was there, but had felt the energy. She moved her body and her bowels, signaling that she was relaxed and ready for her next adventure.

She died 2 days later. 

I had not done any hands on Reiki at that time, it would be 5 years before I would take my first class; but, I am a born lightworker. I was guided to offer her peace, comfort and love. It was a moment of healing for both of us that remains a beacon on my journey.

Her life was celebrated joyously and as we laid her to rest, the gentle snowfall in the cemetery felt like cold kisses on my warm skin. She was finally at peace and reunited with her loved ones in spirit while remaining alive in memories and her loving legacy.

Her soul visits me in birds every day and when I hear their happy morning song, I choose to believe that she is leading the chorus. 

My grandmother Maria and I at a holiday gathering in 2012.