Mid-life Crises are Underrated, folks. One day, our little bubbles of bliss pop and we are suddenly left covered in mental goo clinging to the past or our mental image of the way “it should be”. We may become paralyzed because, well, we don’t know who we are and we certainly have no idea where we are going. We feel small, trapped, inconsequential. Life starts to feel like the Talking Heads song ‘Road to Nowhere’.
But, guess what? That song isn’t about being stuck in a dark hopeless place feeling bad for ourselves. It’s about living! We have no control over where we are going. If you’ve experienced a moment that suddenly stopped you in your tracks and caused you to question everything, Congratulations!! You are one of the brave, lucky ones. Please allow me to explain why I’m team mental goo.
Despite what we are taught or conditioned to believe from a very young age, there is not one path to happiness or one way to do life. Sure, people have expectations for us that become some unrealistic fantasy that many believe is “the only way”. Does any of this sound familiar? Smile, be obedient, go to church, get straight A’s, graduate from college, get married (heterosexually, of course), buy a house with a white picket fence, get a dog and pump out 2.5 kids (minimum), climb the corporate ladder, go to Disney, retire young, die a peaceful death at home surrounded by your loved ones and then go to heaven. The end.
How many of us have actually achieved that? (If you did, good for you! There’s nothing wrong with that being the path you walked.) I think it’s safe to bet that the overwhelming majority of us have instead felt incredibly inadequate for NOT having achieved that, or some close version. I’ve crossed paths with countless people who have ended up depressed, numb and even dead because they didn’t live up to “the way”. And, that’s why I am so passionate about this message.
Quite simply put, THERE IS NOT ONE WAY TO LIFE LIVE.
Do you remember those choose your own adventure books? The ones where the main character was faced with a choice, and you as the reader got to pick the next page that would reveal their journey. That’s the best analogy that I can make about our lives. We are the main characters in our own stories and we have agency and free will to decide how we spend our time alive. Our choices are impacted by our circumstances, settings, feelings, coping mechanisms, personalities, and unique experiences. But, they are OUR choices no matter the outcome. That’s the beauty and privilege of this life.
Mid-life crises are typically labeled as a time when we realize we have more dreams than memories. Many people chase adrenaline (skydiving, motorcycles, etc.) or go get tattoos. But, how many people continue to live life the same way? They don’t address the root of the problem, get to know themselves, question their choices or make lasting changes. They are often out of alignment with their values but too comfortable, or afraid, to choose a new adventure. They don’t dare to veer out of their comfort zones.
Instead of the mid-life crisis, I’d like to start a movement around mid-life awakenings where we go quietly into the chrysalis. We face ourselves, often at our lowest points, and get to start over. We get to embrace our mistakes, realize there is no such thing as perfection and realize who we truly are and what we value. We own our personal power and learn to guard it as a treasure. We become authentically and unapologetically our unique, beautiful selves and look unrecognizable to those around us. We chart a new course into the unknown filled with courage, bravery and compassion. We attract a new tribe, experience new ways of thinking and feeling and emit a powerful ripple to the world.
You may be good at something, but it doesn’t have to become your identity or a pair of cement shoes that you can never take off. You may be good with kids, for example, but that doesn’t mean you have to procreate. You may love to stargaze but that doesn’t mean you have to become an astronaut. And, on and on. Relationships, careers, locations, friend groups, etc. It’s perfectly healthy to reach a point where you question everything. This is living! This is where the mental goo, if we embrace it, can have a profound effect on future choices.
If you’ve gone through it and emerged on the other side, kudos. It’s the path of most resistance but oh so rewarding. Continue to bring your whole heart and soul into every situation and create the net for your fellow humans.
If you’re in it, embrace the goo! Have hope and be vulnerable about your challenges; don't suffer in silence. What you’ll gain by meeting your shadow self will far outweigh the pain and heartache. Continue mining closer to your core.
If you’ve not yet gone through it, know that you are supported and loved. If you don’t feel a sense of purpose, are wearing a mask, are depressed or numb and feel like you are floating aimlessly, it’s OK to be vulnerable and choose a new adventure. If aspects of your life don’t feel right, they may not be! Remember, there is no one way.
